"Over 40 Barbie"

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Realizing that as the baby boomers mature, Mattel has been working with some new expansion of the product line. Here are some of the ideas that Mattel is considering for a proposed
"Past 40 Barbie":

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half frames too!), neck chain and large print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! With handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. No More Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

5. Cook's Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too: muu-muus are back! Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional.

6. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with this pumice stone and Band-Aids, then slip on soft terry mules (included).

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr. With mini van in robin egg blue or white, and a cooler filled with donut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Barbie needs a change, and Bruce (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car and Ken's boat.

10. Alternative Lifestyle Barbie. Barbie has finally ditched Ken, and discovered her real calling. Comes complete with a Pink Triangle window sticker for her Barbie SUV. Optional "Sensible Barbie" fashion collection which includes flats, NOW approved hairstyles, a "Towanda Lives" bumper sticker, and an exclusive CD collection of songs by the Indigo Girls, K. D. Lang, and other favorites. Shaver not included.

11. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.

12. Single Mother Barbie. There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's Across town with Babs and Ken Jr. in a fourth floor walkup. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit included.

13. Post Menopausal Barbie. Poor Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, she comes with the book, "Getting in Touch with Your Inner Self".

You can choose any of the above in the 'dishwater blond' or 'bleached blond with dark roots' version.

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