"How To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity"

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How To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for s e x u a l favors".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation marks.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, 'Rock Hard Kim'.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

20. Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.

21. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.

22. Blow spit bubbles.

23. When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.

24. Chew your gum pulling it out in long strings and twirl it around your index finger.

25. Forget the Diet Center and send yourself a candygram and a stripagram for that added bonus.

26. Make a list of things to do that you've already done.

27. Dance naked in front of your pets.

28. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up damn it, all of you just SHUT UP!"

29. Meow or bark occasionally.

30. Pop some popcorn without the lid on.

31. Make a list of things to do that you have already done.

32. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to pre-school as if nothing is wrong.

33. Fill out your tax forms using Roman numerals.

34. Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.

35. Leaf through a National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives.

36. Pay your electric bill in pennies.

37. Drive to work in reverse gear.

38. Read the dictionary upside down and look for hidden messages.

39. Write a short story using alphabet soup.

40. Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they are in jail.

41. Make up a language and ask people for directions.

42. Replace the filling of a jelly donut with ketchup and give it to one of your "favorite people".

And the final way to maintain a healthy level of insanity.......

43. Send this page to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you, and even if they asked you not to send them stuff like this.

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