"Stalked by Martha?"

Free Web Site - Free Web Space and Site Hosting - Web Hosting - Internet Store and Ecommerce Solution Provider - High Speed Internet

The Top 10 Signs You're Being
Stalked by Martha Stewart:

10.   You get a threatening note made up of letters out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.

9.    That telltale lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.

8.    On her show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen-over licorice downspout and the stuck half-open graham cracker garage door.

7.    You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon, rose petal and saffron demi-glace, with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce.

6.    The unmistakeable aroma of potpourri follows you even after you leave the bathroom.

5.    You discover that every napkin in the entire house has been folded into a swan.

4.    No matter where you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork.

3.    Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by doilying.

2.    You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.

And the Number 1 Sign You're Being
Stalked by Martha Stewart:

1.   You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.

** (Midi: "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly")

[ BACK ]