Actual dialog of a former W***P*****t Customer Support employee:
* Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" * Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." * Support: "What sort of trouble?" * Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." * Support: "Went away?" * Customer: "They disappeared." * Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" * Customer: "Nothing." * Support: "Nothing?" * Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." * Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" * Customer: "How do I tell?" * Support: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?" * Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?" * Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" * Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." * Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" * Customer: "What's a monitor?" * Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" * Customer: "I don't know." * Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" * Customer: ......"Yes, I think so." * Support: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." * Customer: ......"Yes, it is." * Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" * Customer: "No." * Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." * Customer: ......"Okay, here it is." * Support: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." * Customer: "I can't reach." * Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" * Customer: "No." * Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" * Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." * Support: "Dark? * Customer: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." * Support: "Well, turn on the office light then." * Customer: "I can't." * Support: "No? Why not?" * Customer: "Because there's a power outage." * Support: "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" * Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." * Support: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." * Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?" * Support: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." * Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" * Support: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
