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Sign on an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts".
Maternity Clothes Shop:
"We are open on labor day".
Non-smoking area:
"If we see you smoking we will assume you're on fire and will take appropriate action".
On a Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push"
On a Front Door:
"Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog".
Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place".
Scientist's Door:
"Gone Fission"
Taxidermist Window:
"We really know our stuff".
Podiatrist's Window:
"Time wounds all heels".
Butcher's window:
"Let me meat your needs".
Used Car Lot:
"Second Hand cars in first crash condition"
Sign on Fence:
"Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive"
Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment".
Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming".
Hotel:
"Help! We need inn - experienced people".
Butcher's Window:
"Pleased to meat you".
Auto Body Shop:
"May we have the next dents?"
Sign in an office:
"We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left".
Veterinarians Waiting Room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
The Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be".
Beauty Shop:
"Dye now!"
Garbage Truck:
"We've got what it takes to take what you've got".
Computer Store:
"Out for a quick byte"
Diner Window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up".
Bowling Alley:
"Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop".
Cafeteria:
"Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want".
Music Library:
"Bach in a minuet".
Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait".
As seen in Waukegan IL, Ace Radiator:
"Great Place to Take a Leak"
"Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers"
"Eye Drops Off Shelf Safety Experts Say"
"School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted"
"Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case"
"Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents"
"British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands"
"Teachers Strike Idle Kids"
"Stolen Painting Found By Tree"
"War Dims Hope For Peace"
"Deer Kill 17,000"
"Man Struck By Lightening Faces Battery Charge"
"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"
"Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed Needy"
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