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"DEFINITIONS"
* Anxiety:
Nature's way of getting you up mornings
* Bore:
One who, upon being asked how they are, tells you
* Boy:
A noise with dirt on it
* Childish game:
One at which you cannot beat your spouse
* Chocolate:
The other major food group
* Clock:
A small mechanical device to wake up people who have no children
* Conclusion:
Where somebody got tired of thinking
* Conscience:
The inner voice warning you that somebody may be looking
* Consciousness:
That annoying time between naps
* Cynic:
Someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket
* Disneyland:
A people trap operated by a mouse
* Experience:
What you get when you don't get what you want
* Federal Law:
Ten thousand books explaining the Ten Commandments
* Gross ignorance:
144 times worse than normal ignorance
* Happiness:
Wanting what you get
* Healthy:
The slowest possible rate of dying
* Marriage:
Getting used to a lot of things you least expected
* Nervous:
Asking which wine goes best with fingernails
* Opera:
A play where somebody gets stabbed in the back and everybody sings about it
* Pessimist:
One who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks
* Poverty:
Having too much month left at the end of the money
* Public Office:
The last refuge of the incompetent
* Sleep:
A poor substitute for caffeine
* Success:
Getting what you want
* Work:
The slow, dragging fingernail on the blackboard of life
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